I was sitting in the office earlier and marveling at my journey over the past 5 years. In just a handful of years I was able to take control of my life, my narrative, by changing my negative thoughts into positive ones.
A lot harder than I make it sound, believe me. Anyone who has been in the trenches of the no man’s land of inner turmoil can tell you that its an almost addictive, self-sustaining perpetual cycle of negative self-talk and falling for the traps we subconsciously set for ourselves. Over and over and over again.
For me, it became more of an identity misunderstanding. Throughout the decades, I forgot that I didn’t have to fit into the box I started out in, or even whatever category I chose to put myself. Keeping myself caged in labels to make it easier for everyone else to categorize me in the most convenient way possible. I forgot that I could evolve as little or as much as I wanted.
I started out small. I decided I needed to look myself in the mirror, like actually look not just glance, in the eyes, and tell myself something positive. It didn’t really matter what it was, the point was to learn how to be nice to myself.
I soon learned that the negative voice wasn’t mine, or maybe more accurately, wasn’t mine anymore. Thinking on it now, perhaps it was like leftovers of a me that I outgrew, and I was just hearing echoes of thoughts that takes time to fade. Like anything that is worth a damn, self-improvement doesn’t just take time, its also complicated. Not linear.
It also helped to censor my Facebook newsfeed and limit my exposure to mainstream media and what we call “news” today. I still stay very much informed but I have taken control of when, where, and how I digest negative information. What I, and I believe Pink Floyd and other activists, call “The Machine,” or as the Wachowski sisters not so loosely refer to as “The Matrix,“ has us all. It’s up to us to take back control of our energy and attention.
All this to say, if you are out there and you’re stuck, just know you are not alone. We are all here showing up or not showing up because we all have our own rats nests of gray matter and twisted psyches to deal with. There is a certain comfort knowing that we aren’t alone in our struggles. We can relate.
xoxo,
Oddball Chic